


Our Own

by thatsoccercoach



Series: Which Door? [44]
Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Adoption, Foster Care, Fraser fluff, Unexpected challenges
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-15 02:41:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14782115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsoccercoach/pseuds/thatsoccercoach
Summary: Fergus was a nearly-forgotten dream in the recesses of their minds that they hadn’t remembered until they held him and suddenly saw it clearly.





	Our Own

                                                                   

Their souls had known absolutely before their minds caught on and there was no way around it. Fergus had been theirs from the moment they laid eyes on him. When Claire held him cradled close she’d been certain. As Jamie looked into the eyes of his wife, he’d found confirmation. He was theirs.

People thought he was theirs just as often as Willa, if not more. It was uncanny how strongly he resembled Claire as well as Faith. He had their fine bones, their dark curls, and their eyes framed by long lashes. Fergus was theirs.

The big girls would take turns trying to get Fergus to smile and kick his feet. They’d bring “offerings” to him of favored toys and soft blankets. If he dropped what he was holding Bree and Faith would clamor to pick it up and hold it so he could grasp it in his tiny hand. They’d sit close and talk to him, waiting for him to coo back in response. Fergus was theirs.

Willa didn’t know life without Fergus. The moment they met, they curled around each other like kittens snuggled close. Neither one cared whose fist they were chewing on or if they rolled onto the other. They were like two sides of the same coin, two parts of the same body. Fergus was theirs.

One night early on, Claire had been thoroughly exhausted, sleeping like a log. Logically, she’d known that adding Fergus to the family right at the same time Willa had joined them would be a gargantuan undertaking. She’d not realized how that would _feel_ though. She hadn’t even woken up until she felt Jamie’s side of the bed dip as he settled back next to her. Gently he laid a small, warm bundle next to her and all she’d caught were the words “fresh nappy” and “hungry.”

Since Faith’s birth Jamie had graciously gotten up with their crying babies to change and rock them, but he’d bring them back to her if they were inconsolable or hungry. Half asleep and by rote, she began to nurse the baby she thought was Willa. Immediately, even in her half-asleep state, she’d _known_ it wasn’t Willa but it hadn’t _mattered_. Fergus latched just fine, surprisingly, and nursed contentedly. Fergus was theirs.

There were things that were unchangeable though.

It was odd but Fergus didn’t smell like their other babies. Both Claire and Jamie had noticed it but hadn’t mentioned it to the other. It sounded like a terrible thing to say, even though it was merely biology and genetics. Jenny was the one who dared to voice it, questioning if she was crazy to notice it or if it was true. Claire had explained it to Jenny clinically, detached, all the while trying to explain to her heart how her son was different but still _their own_.

It seemed so simple. People did it all the time. All children were different. And children who were born with visible, physical differences were still loved the same by their parents. How was Fergus any different merely because he was adopted? He was theirs.

Part of _him_ could never be _theirs_.

Jamie had come to terms with that fairly quickly though with no less emotion. He desperately wanted his son to know his heritage. He wanted to make sure that the lad knew where he came from and what he’d been brought into. He took pride in the times people mentioned that Fergus resembled Claire just as he took pride in the times they asked about how they’d come to adopt him. Their daughters had been conceived in love while Fergus was a nearly-forgotten dream in the recesses of their minds that they hadn’t remembered until they held him and suddenly saw it clearly.

For Claire, the journey to accepting that small piece of Fergus that wasn’t theirs was a longer journey. She’d carried the girls and had spoken to them. She’d loved them for months before meeting them. She’d loved them as mere _ideas_. It was a struggle to absolutely love Fergus yet simultaneously have that love feel so different. It scared her. Maybe she wasn’t loving him _right_. Maybe she wasn’t loving him _enough_. It scared her in a way.

He found her in the rocking chair by the fire, holding a fussing Fergus. She’d gone downstairs so as not to disrupt the rest of the house. While she rocked, the baby in her arms fidgeted and wailed. Tear tracks painted lines on her own pale skin.

She looked up at him, tears still clinging to the lashes of her red-rimmed eyes and her lip trembling. “He’s listening for her heart, Jamie,” she sniffed.

He was rubbing his face into her chest, crying inconsolably, searching for the beat of the heart he’d been carried beneath and yet would never hear again. Jamie began to speak but his wife interrupted.

“I know, Jamie. _I know_.” She caught her breath and began more steadily. “All adoption is predicated upon loss. But he’s our baby boy and I love him and there are moments where I don’t feel anything amiss at all!”

He crouched near her knees, looking her in the face. Listening to her words. Listening to her heart.

“Then there are times like this where I _grieve,_ Jamie. Of course he has a marvelous life ahead of him, but he has _this_ because of a tragedy and for the life of me I can’t reconcile the two!”

He reached out then and cupped her cheek in his hand and spoke. He prayed he’d say the right things. He prayed they’d do the right things. “The lad is ours forever, Sassenach. We’ve a lifetime.”

Fergus sighed, worn out and beginning to settle. He nestled into her making small snuffling noises, his sweaty, chubby cheek sticking to Claire’s skin at the neck of her shirt. His tiny fists, dimples at the knuckles, twined into her hair.

A smile crossed Jamie’s face as he continued. “Claire, we’ve an entire lifetime and we’ll work on it the whole while. For the moment, we grieve the friend we lost and we celebrate this wee life we gained. And later we’ll tell him where he came from and why we love him so. Someday he’ll mourn the life he could have had while we revel in the life we’ve watched grow.

“Claire,‘tis the way of loving.”

* * *

 

 

_Author’s note: Both of my grandparents were adopted. We’re they’re legacy because of adoption._

_Two of my cousins were adopted (domestic adoptions as infants) and I grew up thinking that was normal. I remember the judge asking 6 year old me if I was responsible enough to take care of a new cousin forever._

_As an adult I work with children who have learning disabilities, many of whom were adopted. On a daily basis I hear from my friends and from the parents how adoption has changed their lives for the better, but certainly not for the simpler._

_Toddler is not mine either. He’ll not be with us forever, but only for a short while in the big scheme of things. None of this is simple but it’s all important._

_This is important. This is how you make a difference._

[Become a CASA](http://www.casaforchildren.org/site/c.mtJSJ7MPIsE/b.5301295/k.BE9A/Home.htm) _[:](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.casaforchildren.org%2Fsite%2Fc.mtJSJ7MPIsE%2Fb.5301295%2Fk.BE9A%2FHome.htm&t=ZmMwMjIwM2QwODk3ZTljNDMwMjNjZWIxYjUwM2VhYjY2YmY5MzQ5NCw4VEs5QnFQVA%3D%3D&b=t%3A5r_3Fowo1LDNqv4J7XjUkQ&p=https%3A%2F%2Fthatsoccercoach.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F174339099746%2Four-own) Court Appointed Special Advocates are people just like you and me who are willing to be present to be the voice for a child when they might get missed by the system They might act as a liaison between an adoptive family or a foster family and a social worker or any number of others. They might have “insider knowledge” or “pro tips” from their experiences, but they’re lay-people with a vested interest in the well-being of the children involved._

_[Volunteer as a mentor](https://www.mentorwashington.org/): It’s just what it sounds like! People mentor kids all the time but have you ever considered being a mentor for a foster child? Being someone consistent for them? It makes a difference and so can you!_

_[Become a Respite Care Provider](https://www.verywellfamily.com/what-is-respite-foster-care-26300?_ga=2.176208365.955895404.1526529031-2096901937.1526529030): In some places, a family doing foster-to-adopt might lose out on their chance if they have to go out of state and cant get permission for the kiddo to come along but they don’t have a place for the child to stay. Or, they might have a trip planned and the kids can’t come along. Well, kiddos in foster care can’t just stay with anyone. They can stay with Respite Care Providers though. I am certified by the state to do this. I can say “no” if I’m too busy or “yes” if I’m prepared. It took lots of interviews, background checks, and interviews of my peers and colleagues but it is worth it._

_Keep being you: If you know somebody who adopts, give them a baby shower. They’re still bringing home a new baby and they deserve to be celebrated. If your friends have children who are adopted, be sensitive to that. It might mean purposely mentioning that they are adopted, it might mean keeping it private. Respect them and their decisions._

Thank you [@youmissher-terribly](https://tmblr.co/m-1U9HxpBnKRfU2SsS2vt1g) for your input and knowledge, but especially for caring about what happens to the children and youth you work with every day!

 

_[Image Credit](http://luna---belle.tumblr.com/post/87392354739/aria-photography) _


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